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The Quintessential Gurgaon-wasi May 29, 2010

Posted by maximusrakontur in India, Indian, Life, stereotype, Wanderer.
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Lo Behold my children of doom to flee from the captors of your mind and break the shackles of your sedentary existence. Let us take a wisdom trip. Free of Cost.

After the phenomenal success of the last post on the awesome beings called The West Delhiites, I have both, been glorified and loathed to the same extent. While some of you didn’t like the Wisdom I offered and the others were just too overwhelmed to see the blunt description of the potential trending generation of tomorrow.

The pain of writing is such that, after such a smooth run it took me a good 3 weeks to write another post. During this time, I received numerous calls telling me the gross injustice I did by picking up West Delhi as my first Stunning Stereotypes. Incidentally, almost half of them were pretty pissed by the way I ignored the second most awesome beings living in Gurgaon. They said Gurgaon-wasis (As I like to call them; Patent Pending) are as ‘Good’ as West Delhiites. I Agree. If there was an Awesomeness Derby between West Delhi and Gurgaon, I bet there’d be a photo finish.

So, as I again would like to say, its a paper on how geographical conditions alter likes and dislikes of human beings or in this case what stickers are to be put on the rear windshield of your car.

DISCLAIMER – Deviyon aur Sajjanon (Ladies and Gents) if you feel uneasy or simply pissed reading it, then I am really sorry but please don’t send Bouncers from the Clubs of Gurgaon to bash me up. I am scared of them.

First of all, Lets reveal some facts about Gurgaon. The most important ones first –

  1. I am a resident of Old (Shitty) Gurgaon since Autumn of 1992. Figure out the number of years yourselves.
  2. Gurgaon is a historical town, being the residing place of Guru Drona from Mahabharata. Please don’t confuse him with Drona – The Movie. The one which had Abhishek The Bachhan in confusing outfits.
  3. Gurgaon is the call center capital of the world. And it has the third highest per capita income in India after Mumbai and Chandigarh. More recently it has become an IT & Automobile industries hub.
  4. It doesnt have a Public Transport System of its own. Well, if you call Cycle Rickshaws and Vikram Autos as public transport, go ahead, Fool yourself.
  5. Though its the only city in India to have provided an Electricity connection to all houses, still there are power cuts to the tune of 7-8 hours a day. Add to it the water scarcity as well.

Chalo. Lets go in an Alto and explore the traits of The Quintessential Gurgaon-wasi.

Scene 1 : MG ROAD. Malls Galore.

As soon as you are passing by the Mall Street in your Alto, make that screeching sound by braking hard. There’d be a woman with some ‘expensive’ brand’s bag, swinging it like a rocker arm and crossing the road carefree as a Cow. That’s pretty normal, considering its Gurgaon. In some cases, the woman will ask for two bags from the Bhaiyya on the counter of the Benetton Oultet, for obvious reasons.

Scene 2 : Any road. Everywhere in Gurgaon

The most striking feature of Gurgaon is its roads. Once they used to be like the Moon’s surface, comprising knee deep craters. Thanks to the MNC mobilisation we have the silk routes. Though these days there’s enough distraction on them. You’d find “Jattan ka Chhora” ” Yaduvanshi” “Veer Gujjar” etc on the rear windscreen of almost 37% cars. Oh, and In case you overhear the song – “Tau hat jaa paachey ne..” or “Paani aali paani pyaade..” Its your Lucky Day. Incidentally “Tau hat ja..” was Haryana’s official entry to for The Oscar’s. Too bad they lost. Now they’re planning to send the same song with lyrics of “Jai Ho” inserted in it. And please don’t confuse ‘Tau’ with the Greek letter Tau Τ . ‘Tau’ is apparently referred to an elderly person in the Gurgaon tongue.

By this above video, I bet Anand Mahindra would be very proud. He finally seems to have found a niche market for his car BOLERO.

Scene 3 : Mini Secratariat

Almost everyone who is found indigenously in Gurgaon or neighbouring towns will be in Spotless whites with matching white shoes. No No, they are not fond of Jitendra. Apparently they’re the nouveau riche who sold their agricultural lands to the MNCs who plan to build SEZs or Special Economic Zones on them.

Scene 4 : Gaddi Side Kar (Sorry, Cant be translated to any other lingo)

Haryana Police. By far the best police force in the whole damn Gurgaon. I’m so mesmerized that this scene is Self-explanatory.

If you happen to be in a deep slumber and suddenly you find yourselves –

  1. Fighting in a club for no reason.
  2. Eating egg roll in front of Sahara Maal
  3. Foul Mouthing while driving
  4. Stopping for the non-existent traffic signals.

Then without a doubt, you are in Gurgaon.

I know, again, Im missing some very vital cultural information on Gurgaon and its true inhabitants who co-exist peacefully i.e. Jats, Gujjars and Yadavs. Im also missing the Biker Boyz, Bouncers of Clubs like – Last Chance, Addiction or Maybe Final Fantasy 1,2,3 and 4. Please beer with me. Coz beer is available till 12 AM and thats precisely why I chose to slaughter West Delhi first. Muahhahaha *evil grin*

But lastly, readers please tell the meaning of this song – “Mera choondar manga de o, O nandi ke bira ”

I don’t know. Ib ke karein ?

Wanderer July 9, 2009

Posted by maximusrakontur in Bliss, Friends, Like a stone, Marijuana, Ruhe, Spiti Valley, Trance, Wanderer.
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Aargh… Finally I am back ! Probably for the first time in my life I felt homesick and came back running. By now you can tell the amount of travelling I’ve been doing in these past weeks. Not only travelling but travelling up north in the mountains. But honestly there’s absolutely no place like home.

We started out on 2nd July. We, as in, me, Colonel, Papa and Bahl. For starters, it was gonna be a Fauji Trip once again. You would get to know the concept of a Fauji Trip later in the post. So we boarded the train from Delhi for Kalka after hours of swearing at Mamta Banerjee for taking over the railway ministry and as a consequence trains are running late. Our train ran 4 hours late but it never was a problem – the weather in Delhi was so awesome.
Once we ‘checked in’ the Transit Camp at Kalka Military Station the trip had actually began. We started out almost immediately and after stops at Narkanda, Rampur, Jhakri we reached Jeori for an overnight halt at some ITBP guest house. One of the few significant things we did except for the ‘rolling’ part of it was, enjoying a pahaadi chicken. Yea, having a ribcage weak chicken on the hills can be a treat too.
Carrying on the journey the next day through Povari we reached Karchham where we saw the Karchham-Wangtoo Dam. There was a spot on the road where the water coming out of the turbine just falls over your head with a awful great force. Amazing sound it makes must say. Then we reached Reckong Peo which is the district headquarters for Kinnaur. In the backdrop there is the Kailash Parvat or Kinner Kailash which is supposedly the home of Lord Shiva. One of the most striking features of the place is the extensive presence of Marijuana. It grows almost everywhere and anywhere maybe thats why its called Weed. I couldnt resist taking a lot of the leaves as not-a-souvenir. The moment we stepped in Reckong Peo me and Colonel had just one thing in mind. “Bhaiyya, Yahan kya hai dekhne ke liye ? , we stopped by a shoe store and asked the guy. “Bas yahi hai, chhoti si market hi hai” , “Achha bhaiya yahan kahin cigarette ki dukaan hai kya ?”. The market was small indeed. May be thrice the length of the market outside Jesus and Mary’s College, Delhi. One of the two things we bought there was medicines for puke. It almost is a necessity with Papa and Mountains – they make a lethal cocktail. “Kitne ka chahiye aapko – 100, 200 kitne ka bhi le lo “. Colonel and me had a telepathy and decided on 200. We decided to move on and explore the market a bit. There was this Jimi Hendrix tee I liked. Too bad they had room for just Hendri.
Colonel was getting restless. Maybe he was haunted by the memories of his first trip with his mom to the place where he cried on the way because they couldn’t find a place to halt for hundreds of kilometers. Thats when we decided to speed up and we stopped next at the Pooh DET for lunch and then Maling DET for Tea which is at 12407 ft above sea level as a matter of fact. There are vast orchards of Apples in Chango, a village next to Malling. We could only see a few of them which looked more like Golden custard apples. After spending more than an hour cumulatively outside the car window clicking pictures of the most awesome place I had yet seen, we reached the destination – Sumdo.
Sumdo is a tiny village, where the confluence of Spiti and Parechoo ( chinese) rivers take place. It is from here the beautiful Spiti valley starts.
The Army settlement, the only living human beings there are Army personnel, is very well maintained indeed. I never even thought of privileges like a Pool table and a PS3 at 14000 ft up in the air. The real privilege however was to see Roger Federer winning his 15th. What a match !
Next day had to be quite eventful, the main attractions of the trip were to follow. So we turned to Gypsies for the night and wandered places. Papa in his talismanic style got rid of the Stag and opted for the Teacher instead.
Through the entrails of the jaw dropping sceneries, we reached Tabo Monastery. The view outside the window was such that I virtually wanted to click after every second but pity not even half of the feel and spirit can be captured by the device.
Throughout those days I couldn’t help but wonder, that how human progress has been measured by how much control we are in of our suroundings i.e. the resources and our environment and the very fallings of the progress the human society has made are exposed to the fullest when nature is in the mood.
Tabo is one of the oldest Buddhist monasteries in the world and home to many a monks. You wont find many people out there except for a handful of overtly adventurous tourists. The Dalai Lama was to visit the place on the 13th of July but we missed him by a whisker.
Kaza is a village on the way to Kye Monastery. It is one of the popular tourist locations and at times you feel the expats are a major chunk of the visible population. We reached Kye Monastery after an hour’s drive or so. The first view of the place was disappointing. I told the reason to Colonel almost immediately that it failed to meet the picture I had already painted for the place. Bu nevertheless I could capture a good one especially as a souvenir for Arpit.
Kye was way much smaller than I thought. It resides few monks and their families and is perhaps even older than Tabo, though it was opened to tourists in early 90s only.
Being in Kye, Kibber was a temptation. Kibber is the world’s highest motorable village and Asia’s highest village. I am not so sure of the former but pretty much sure of the latter as one of the locals told me that. The place is quite small actually which I am guessing you must have been used to by now. We ordered something for lunch and almost automatically the telepathy worked again. I rushed to the car and got the matrix. We became Gypsies again and wandered places for this time it was the highest village in the world.
Tumbling down wasnt much of an adventure. By then we had travelled too much for a day. So, we reached Kaza and then headed back to Sumdo for the night. That was supposed to be our last night at Sumdo. The day had been awesome. I had some of the most beautiful places and clicked some of my best shots. It couldn’t have been better. So we turned Gypsies again and wandered places for this time it was our last night at Sumdo.
Choice without repercussions isnt a choice at all. So there we were almost late by 2 hours and to our bad luck we had to skip Lepcha- the Indo-Tibet border site. So we moved on for Sangla Valley which I had heard is one of the most beautiful valleys in the world. A long treacherous journey followed full of repercussions and we reached Sangla.
Bhaiya, yahan dekhne ke liye kya hai ? ” , ” Bas yahi hai, chhoti si market hai aur aage jaakar camps hain”.”Bhaiya, yahan kahin cigarette ki dukaan hai kya ?”
“Kitne ka chahiye 100, 200, 500”.

We had an awesome lunch at Sonu Cafe. The bliss of having a cold and frozen cola after a week was great. We left for Karchham again for a night over at some Transit Camp. The camp site was awesome. It was on the river bank which had scores of Marijuana plantation. Me and Bahl tried our hand at river crossing. Some serious stuff it was, the river below had quite a good flow and keeping in mind that both of us are freakish amateurs it was quite a job. Sitting by the river side, among the plantations, we turned Gypsies again and wandered places for we made a pact to be like it 24×7.
We started for Kalka the following day, which was to be the last day of the trip. Most of it went while we were sleeping. The moment we were near Narkanda that is at a considerably low altittude it felt like a whole new world. We could actually see people and lots of them. Nevertheless it was hot. Just before we took a lunch break ata DET in Matiana there was this market before it where our driver stopped for bananas. And we were lucky enough to catch hold of Panama Cigarettes.
“Bhaiya, yahan kya hai aas paas?”, “Kuchh bhi nahin hai sahab bus gaon hai”, “Bhaiya yahan kahin cigarette ki dukaan hai ?”
“Kitne ka chahiye 100, 200, 500”

Yes we scored for the third time and it was absolute bliss. Finally we reached Kalka and stayed for the night. The Faluda Kulfi at Isar Sweets was enough for dinner. We then turned Gypsies again and wandered places for the trip got to us and we or infact I, needed to get back home.
Finally the trip was over, me, Papa and bahl returned base as Colonel opted for another mission.

I wish I was a stone, born in the river
I would go anywhere it chose to take
The path she decides the Pace she feels
Worlds a many Weathers me good
For I’m a Gypsy For I’m a stone

I wish I was the gold which flows the valley
I would go anywhere I wish to go
I would take the stones with me the pace I feel
Worlds a many Weathers me good
For I’m a Gypsy I may quench


I wish I was a man I couldnt be
I could go anywhere I chose to go
The worlds weather me or make me good

I’m the man I chose I’m the dawn for me
For I’m no Gypsy Like a Stone

Like a Stone …


PS – Any part of the blog reproduced without my permission is objectionable.