jump to navigation

The Quintessential Gurgaon-wasi May 29, 2010

Posted by maximusrakontur in India, Indian, Life, stereotype, Wanderer.
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,
2 comments

Lo Behold my children of doom to flee from the captors of your mind and break the shackles of your sedentary existence. Let us take a wisdom trip. Free of Cost.

After the phenomenal success of the last post on the awesome beings called The West Delhiites, I have both, been glorified and loathed to the same extent. While some of you didn’t like the Wisdom I offered and the others were just too overwhelmed to see the blunt description of the potential trending generation of tomorrow.

The pain of writing is such that, after such a smooth run it took me a good 3 weeks to write another post. During this time, I received numerous calls telling me the gross injustice I did by picking up West Delhi as my first Stunning Stereotypes. Incidentally, almost half of them were pretty pissed by the way I ignored the second most awesome beings living in Gurgaon. They said Gurgaon-wasis (As I like to call them; Patent Pending) are as ‘Good’ as West Delhiites. I Agree. If there was an Awesomeness Derby between West Delhi and Gurgaon, I bet there’d be a photo finish.

So, as I again would like to say, its a paper on how geographical conditions alter likes and dislikes of human beings or in this case what stickers are to be put on the rear windshield of your car.

DISCLAIMER – Deviyon aur Sajjanon (Ladies and Gents) if you feel uneasy or simply pissed reading it, then I am really sorry but please don’t send Bouncers from the Clubs of Gurgaon to bash me up. I am scared of them.

First of all, Lets reveal some facts about Gurgaon. The most important ones first -

  1. I am a resident of Old (Shitty) Gurgaon since Autumn of 1992. Figure out the number of years yourselves.
  2. Gurgaon is a historical town, being the residing place of Guru Drona from Mahabharata. Please don’t confuse him with Drona – The Movie. The one which had Abhishek The Bachhan in confusing outfits.
  3. Gurgaon is the call center capital of the world. And it has the third highest per capita income in India after Mumbai and Chandigarh. More recently it has become an IT & Automobile industries hub.
  4. It doesnt have a Public Transport System of its own. Well, if you call Cycle Rickshaws and Vikram Autos as public transport, go ahead, Fool yourself.
  5. Though its the only city in India to have provided an Electricity connection to all houses, still there are power cuts to the tune of 7-8 hours a day. Add to it the water scarcity as well.

Chalo. Lets go in an Alto and explore the traits of The Quintessential Gurgaon-wasi.

Scene 1 : MG ROAD. Malls Galore.

As soon as you are passing by the Mall Street in your Alto, make that screeching sound by braking hard. There’d be a woman with some ‘expensive’ brand’s bag, swinging it like a rocker arm and crossing the road carefree as a Cow. That’s pretty normal, considering its Gurgaon. In some cases, the woman will ask for two bags from the Bhaiyya on the counter of the Benetton Oultet, for obvious reasons.

Scene 2 : Any road. Everywhere in Gurgaon

The most striking feature of Gurgaon is its roads. Once they used to be like the Moon’s surface, comprising knee deep craters. Thanks to the MNC mobilisation we have the silk routes. Though these days there’s enough distraction on them. You’d find “Jattan ka Chhora” ” Yaduvanshi” “Veer Gujjar” etc on the rear windscreen of almost 37% cars. Oh, and In case you overhear the song – “Tau hat jaa paachey ne..” or “Paani aali paani pyaade..” Its your Lucky Day. Incidentally “Tau hat ja..” was Haryana’s official entry to for The Oscar’s. Too bad they lost. Now they’re planning to send the same song with lyrics of “Jai Ho” inserted in it. And please don’t confuse ‘Tau’ with the Greek letter Tau Τ . ‘Tau’ is apparently referred to an elderly person in the Gurgaon tongue.

By this above video, I bet Anand Mahindra would be very proud. He finally seems to have found a niche market for his car BOLERO.

Scene 3 : Mini Secratariat

Almost everyone who is found indigenously in Gurgaon or neighbouring towns will be in Spotless whites with matching white shoes. No No, they are not fond of Jitendra. Apparently they’re the nouveau riche who sold their agricultural lands to the MNCs who plan to build SEZs or Special Economic Zones on them.

Scene 4 : Gaddi Side Kar (Sorry, Cant be translated to any other lingo)

Haryana Police. By far the best police force in the whole damn Gurgaon. I’m so mesmerized that this scene is Self-explanatory.

If you happen to be in a deep slumber and suddenly you find yourselves -

  1. Fighting in a club for no reason.
  2. Eating egg roll in front of Sahara Maal
  3. Foul Mouthing while driving
  4. Stopping for the non-existent traffic signals.

Then without a doubt, you are in Gurgaon.

I know, again, Im missing some very vital cultural information on Gurgaon and its true inhabitants who co-exist peacefully i.e. Jats, Gujjars and Yadavs. Im also missing the Biker Boyz, Bouncers of Clubs like – Last Chance, Addiction or Maybe Final Fantasy 1,2,3 and 4. Please beer with me. Coz beer is available till 12 AM and thats precisely why I chose to slaughter West Delhi first. Muahhahaha *evil grin*

But lastly, readers please tell the meaning of this song – “Mera choondar manga de o, O nandi ke bira “

I don’t know. Ib ke karein ?

The Phenomenon of Being West Delhiite May 4, 2010

Posted by maximusrakontur in India, Indian, Life.
Tags: , , , , , ,
7 comments

Lo Behold my children of doom to flee from the captors of your mind and break the shackles of your sedentary existence. Let us take a wisdom trip. Free of Cost.

So the time has come when I shall write about – The Phenomenon of Being West Delhiite – Stereotypes and Opportunities. I shall warn you beforehand, it can be a paper for evolution of human existence/psychoanalysis of what goes on in a West Delhiite’s mind/the geographical factors that alter likes and dislikes of human beings et al.

CLAIMER – By every means through this post, I mean to imply, that a West Delhiite is the least awesome of the Delhi residents. So if you are pissed, be. By no means I’m promoting regionalism here but only telling you the hard facts of the world.

Please Pay your Divine Attention to the Hyperlinks as well. They Hide more than you can Imagine.

So, what exactly is West Delhi ? As always, I quote Wikipedia here. Sometimes, I think, Wikipedia is the best invention of Man after The Wheel and Wireless Broadcasting. It probably ‘gives’ you, in a larger sense, than all your school text books combined would ever give you. As I write this, I see myself teleporting to the Pink Floyd classic - Another brick in the wall video. Ya, so wikipedia tells me, West Delhi is an administrative district of The National Capital Territory of Delhi in India. It has an area of 129 km. sq. with a population density of 14,000 ‘inglees’ speaking persons per freakin’ kilometer. It has three administrative units namely – Punjabi Bagh, Rajouri Garden and Patel Nagar. Later on, you will find out, out of these 3, Rajouri Garden is the most awesome. Pun Attached.

So, what makes West Delhiites so special. You can count yourself as one, if at any point of your useless life, you find yourself doing the following -

1. You drive a car, which has tinted glass – as black as Sanjay Leela Bhansali’s Movie of the same name, playing loud music courtesy the Bass tubes and Amplifiers you have installed. The situation – You are driving in Rajouri Garden Market with windows half rolled down. You have a cigarette in hand and have put your supposedly ‘oreeginal’ shades and checking out the awesome girls there.

The possibilities are, the music that’s playing is either Punjabi or Inglees. Both of which, these guys don’t understand !

2. The songs – Amplifier by Imran Khan and Panga by Diljit are your anthems

3. You still sport that Radhey Bhaiyya hairstyle and for obvious reasons you idolize the guy.For Punjabi Bagh RWA President

4. You have a fetish for Mobaile Phone ringtones and end up changing them 5 times a day. Your Mobaile Phone consists of songs from Latesht Hindi Movies and obviously is updated everyday. ‘Bluetooth On kario’ (Turn On the Bluetooth) is as frequently used as the Horns of their cars while driving on Patel Road.

Also, they have a fetish to capture the best moments of their lives on camera. So even if you are eating Gol Gappas at a roadside joint or eating at Yo China ! (The coolest Restaurant they can think of ! ) so fake that smile and put your arm on the nearest shoulder and say “Ghee” !

5. The rear windshield of their cars would often sport these quotes – “Mom says, No Race”, “Dad’s/Mom’s/God’s Gift”,”Rahul and Neha (Apparently the kids’ name)”.

6. Probability is, the guy went to – St. Michaels, Kulachi Hansraj, Ramjas, Salwan Schools ! I don’t need to say more.

Oye ! Enough now. I’m not as cruel as you think. The above observations took 5 years of immense study and 3 girl friends from the West Delhi Area ( And still looking ! ). Every consideration was taken in noting down even the minute details of their behavior, likenesses and habits. Now kids, its time for some Wisdom for you impoverished souls !

1. Please dont show off those Bass Tubes, Amplifiers and newly installed music system. I know you spent more the amount on this stuff than you would have on your wedding dress ! Okay, wait maybe Im wrong here !

2. Dude ( pronounced as Dood ! Not Dewd ! OKAY ! ) for the non existent god’s sake change your hairstyle. I mean you aint getting any Brylcreem commercials either.

3. Girls, don’t expect the guys to sing “Can I sit next to you Girl” to take that chair in the restaurant/or even ask you out. Play Safe. Hunt in greener pastures nee –  South, Central and East Delhi.

4. Get that wardrobe right ! No waistcoats. Kya Aap panchvi Paas se Tez Hain is long over ! And Track Pants are meant for GYMS. Not Restaurants !

Okay, I know you put your deodorants on your shirt, talk free “Tata to Tata” to your gurlphriend all night and many such things which you should be ashamed of but are not. Because of your Ignorance.

And Boy, Orkut is History. Facebook is Passe too.

So, until next time, Improve your act. I shall write good things about you.

The Chronicles of Loserville May 1, 2010

Posted by maximusrakontur in India, Politics, Trance.
Tags: , , , ,
add a comment

Lo behold my children of doom, come to papa, he shall give you some worldly wisdom. Free of Cost. So, my last post was Long, Long time ago…No No kids,  its not Kurt Cobain singing. But still, the fact that I went on a hiatus does not makes me less wanted. And you’re gonna see a lot of previously dormant self boasting from now on. So, I was wandering in nowhere land for the past 2 months – Brooding over a lost purpose of getting a decent employment in the second fastest growing economy in the world. And meanwhile, it seems the world has turned upside down.

1. The volcanic fart in Iceland which paralyzed the flying world and brought back the memories of Aladin’s flying carpet like convenience. The Eyjafjallajokull ( Somebody please contribute the pronunciation) volcano threw up ash clouds which closed down almost whole of the European flying space for a good 10 days, once again giving us a reminder of what’s in store for our race. Who knows ‘ The 2012 Phenomenon‘ might be true.

2. The Great Indian Tamasha – IPL started and end with a bang. The toll of victims was 2. Add to it the jawans that got injured by a feeble bomb blast outside Chinnaswamy Stadium, Bangalore. The Indian Premier League, like all other things that are Indian lived upto the bruhaha and no stone was left unturned to make sure it was a success. So, Chennai Super Kings – A team that wear colors that resembles my puke after having food at McDonald’s, won the league and It was ever-exhuberant-to-speak-inglees Dhoni with Mr Shaved Mustache/Eyebrows Ravi Shastri at the presentation.

Brace a thought for Lalit Modi and Shashi Tharoor – The brave slayed warriors of visionary capitalism. Lalit Modi has to be commended for the way he lisped his way to the top and created an empire out of a sport that Indians would die for, of course with the help of his brother-in-law, uncle, aunt and other beneficiaries of the holding companies. Shashi Tharoor, for perfecting the science behind Tweeting and being a fodder for the news-broke Indian news channels. The bottomline is – He is a misfit in Indian Politics. For obvious reasons, he simply can not fit in a rigid, senseless group of people. Like many other educated Indians, he should find a patli-gali and do something of much worth.

3. Param Pujya Shri Shri Tiger Woods Maharaj accepted responsibility for littering around with mere 121 women ! Hats off to the guy ! Thats called Brand Management.

4.  The Roman Catholic Church is involved in decades old and still rampant child sex abuse scandal. Religions divide people, are futile, senseless, contrary to common sensibilities and the major reason why people are fighting each other. The simple fact that they endorse or rather practice celibacy makes them ignorant and stupid enough to think that God gave them penis just to pee. Dude, u could have peed from your ass too.

Okay. Enough of covering what;s been happening. I may start a news channel on my own at this pace. So here I include another B-plan for the future ! Kids ! Its time for some wisdom. Take out your copy and pencils and start noting it down -

1. Learn Iceland’s language. In accordance with recent events, its important that you learn it so that you can make those sounds which may seem something like Icelandic. So, next time you get stuck in Europe, the easy way to get laid is speak some Icelandic and pose as a Seismologist.

2. Cometh IPL 4, there will be contests such as – Who will be the new chairman for IPL 5 ?  Is the shitty commentary by Lax Sivaramakrishnan and the MRF Blimp an act of vengeance by Lalit Modi ?

3. Shashi Tharoor will retire into the backwaters of his beloved Kerala and make strategies and bids for other IPL franchisees.

4. Start Emulating Tiger Woods. He’s the definition for success.

5. Don’t believe in Religions. Believe in Goodness of Humanity. Trust Each other.

CC – 11001000 – 200 February 26, 2010

Posted by maximusrakontur in India, Life.
Tags: , , , ,
1 comment so far

Lo Behold my children of doom to flee from the captors of your mind and break the shackles of your sedentary existence. Let us take a wisdom trip. Free of Cost.

As I slap myself to wake from slumber ( the everyday slumber I meant, not the symbolic slumber of life , duh ) to get on with my depressing life, I see a lot of stuff happening around me. For once, my mom made Brocolli on Monday in Aloo – Gobi style. Who the hell makes Broccoli on a Monday  Lunch ? Nevertheless, I am very proud to be a Punjabi. We can castrate anything in this world to our advantage. Even the cities we have occupied in other countries (Toronto, Birmingham etc.). Also, I see another dufus – Ashley Cole, caught cheating on his wife. Seriously, who on Earth would cheat on a beautiful pop star wife.

Somewhere between these, Gordon Brown blamed Tony Blair for spoiling his life. I don’t understand, its Tony who married Cherry. I think people always forget to count their blessings and feel miserable for a large part of their lives. Now there’s a piece of wisdom you should definitely note down. Between, I discovered my love for Kristen Stewart lately. Saw her at the BAFTA awards and she looked stunning. I almost wanted to take a bite off the molten chocolate pudding.

Sometime, in this week I had a heavenly vision. Noo, not because my sister thinks I am suffering from a neurotic disorder but I think it was real. Chalo, I will talk about it later in the post. But before that I have some numbers for you — ( I directly quote from Wikipedia) –

The Number 200

  1. 200 is the smallest base 10 unprimeable number – it can not be turned into a prime number by changing just one of its digits to any other digit.
  2. A common ISO-standard film speed for photographic films. However, 200 speed film is being phased out in consumer films in favor of faster films.
  3. A denomination of the euro note. The 200 euro note was designed by Robert Kalina.
  4. The size of one side of the main square in Krakow, Poland (200 m×200 m).
  5. A cholestrol level of 200 and below is considered “Desirable level corresponding to lower risk for heart disease”
  6. 200 metres is the distance Usain Bolt of Jamaica ran in 19.19 seconds.
  7. The sum of dollars given in the classical Monopoly game to a player passing Go.
  8. In the year 200 AD, The Classic Age of Mayan Civlization began in The Americas.
  9. For the record, 200 is written as CC in Romans, 11001000 in Binary and 200 in decimals.
  10. Finally, The number of runs scored by the Cricketer Sachin Tendulkar (not out) in 2nd ODI against South Africa, in the Micromax Cup 2010, which is the highest score in an ODI.

I shall say no more.

Adios.

PS – To all those people who get ‘inspired’ with this blog, its a nice gesture if you drop in a word of thanks before actually publishing it somewhere else.

eṭake baṅlae ki bôle? February 14, 2010

Posted by maximusrakontur in Uncategorized.
1 comment so far

Lo Behold my children of doom to flee from the captors of your mind and break the shackles of your sedentary existence. Let us take a wisdom trip. Free of Cost.

Why you shouldn’t marry a Bengali Woman.

1.She will give you a silly pet name ( Debu, Shona etc)

  1. 2. She is dominating. She would control the color of your underwear if she had her way.
  2. 3. She will feed you Hilsa, which is a unique experience, like trying to eat barbed wire through a mouthful of fish mousse.

4. She will throw away your precious World War II movie collection and replace it with her own collection of Tarkovsky films.

5. She will instal an antique bust of Voltaire on your desk, specially retrieved from her grandfather’s baari.

6. If she spots a Bose music system in somebody’s home, she will immediately and loudly compliment them on their musical/technical connoisseurship.

7. She will wonder why Anjan Chatterjee has not yet won the ‘Entrepreneur of the year’ Award, and hint that the jury must be rigged.

8. She will urge you to smoke a pipe and wear a tweed jacket like her father used to.

9. She will insist on treating every household ailment from homeopathy, from common cold to rabies.

10. She will tell you that you look like the 1960′s film star, Joy Mukherjee and wonder why you don’t consider that a compliment.

11. She will have at least one uncle who insists that he spotted Netaji Subhas Chandra Bose on Elgin Road just last week.

12. Her english is better than yours. And she will never let you forget it.

13. She will buy you a monkey cap and bed socks for winter.

14. The really beautiful ones leave for Bollywood. The ones who are left behind are not worth marrying.

15. Granted, you would not marry a Mayawati. But do you really want a Mamata Banerjee ?

Also, the fact that, She would never let you forget the adage that “What Bengal thinks today, the rest of India will think tomorrow”.

Source – Outlook India. Written By – Anvar AliKhan

Maazha Naav Khan Aahe. February 13, 2010

Posted by maximusrakontur in Politics.
Tags: , ,
3 comments

Lo Behold my children of doom to flee from the captors of your mind and break the shackles of your sedentary existence. Let us take a wisdom trip. Free of Cost.
Last couple of days, there has been a lot of noise down west and of course, some hectic work schedule for the otherwise out of work Indian News Channels. This is about Shiv Sena and its Sainiks, who are out to rescue the world from the evil powers and establish a land of excruciating righteousness.

I must say, this writing stuff has become a Painful experience lately. Its extremely cruel to pen down a selective thoughts from within an ocean of thoughts. It all started when Shah Rukh Khan exclaimed that Pakistani players should have been picked up or rather ‘allowed’ to play in the IPL 3. Perhaps he should have listened to the Floyd classic “Careful with that Axe Eugene”. Nevertheless, the far-from-right Political party from Maharashtra i.e. Shiv Sena took this as an anti-national comment and attacked SRK.

Okay. Some wisdom time now. For whoever thinks, Patriotism is directly proportional to the amount of Pakistan bashing you do, I have a pin to burst your bubble. There is a much thicker line between being a Nationalist and a Nincompoop. That was an innocent statement from a Cricket team owner who wanted nothing but the best players for his side. Whatever happened to the Constitutional right of Freedom of Expression. Apparently, the goondas from Dadar, Mumbai felt SRK sympathised with the terrorists and as a result ‘hurt’ the sentiments of the people of ‘Bombay’ who were tormented when the attacks happened, which obviously had no relation to SRK’s comments.

The extent of frustration which obviously gets piled up, because Shiv Sena does not seem to have any constructive work to do, was such that they labelled SRK as a traitor in their weekly hate magazine called Saamna. The ruckus developed through days until one fine day, Shiv Sena seemed determined enough to not let SRK’s new movie – My Name is Khan – release in Maharashtra until he apologise for his statements. SRK didn’t budge but the people of Bombay thronged to the theatres on the day of release to set a precedent for future nonsensical events that may attract Shiv Sena.

So here’s the absolutely free wisdom you should use in daily life -

1. Bal Thackerey and the Shiv Sena are the antagonists of libertarianism. If they feel they are a healthy opposition and the protector of the rights of the Marathi Manoos, they;re obviously wrong. This is just a political agenda. Without this they don;t have a decent reason why people would vote for them.

2. Shah Rukh Khan may not be a great actor but he’s a man *chinese accent* and his name is Khan. And he’s not a terrorist. The man’s decision not to kowtow the Thackereys uplifts him in the sensible and a patriotic Indian’s eyes.

3. Twitter is a powerful social change agent.

4. Sharad Pawar is a spineless man/woman/transvestite. Apparently, the man went begging to Bal Thackerey to withdraw threats over boycotting all Australian players in IPL3 and not letting them play in Bombay. A stark contrast from what SRK did. You would be amazed, this is the same man you, me and everyone who’s not reading this blog voted for. Also, it is we who admire SRK to near heavenly status. Quite ironical isn’t it.

5. The lust for power is the most dangerous thing in this world. It tames the soul of men to its wish and see how well it does.

One question, I am a Punjabi whose grandparents came from Multan. I reside in Delhi. I dont know a word of Marathi. Can I get a visa for Mumbai ?


Beerfest January 17, 2010

Posted by maximusrakontur in Uncategorized.
Tags: , ,
4 comments
Okay, Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome aboard. If you wanna know why this weird start, keep guessing. Your guess might be right !
How are you doing today ? First of all, best wishes for the year 2010. May you achieve glory, success, may you own the world..blah. Its funny, how we start a new year, hoping we could get our life straight and everything is gonna be alright. And, in the land where I live, Delhi-India, its as if the whole city was living for the year 2010. I mean, they dug the whole city in anticipation of 2010. And, Just wait till they actually start implementing the city plan for 2020.
As I promised on Facebook, I am gonna right a lot more this year, so here I am with the first post of the year 2010.
The other day somebody suggested me of my good marketing skills. I know, the unemployed man, has no option but to listen all this crap about what to do with your life and stuff. Nevertheless, I thought of writing about a thing which is almost as easy to market as baby diapers, owing to the volume of demand. A Man’s (disambiguated) best friend. The cause and remedy for all his problems. Yea, I am talking about the greatest invention of Man, and possibly the only meaningful thing we could learn from chemistry – Beer.The Greatest Inspiration for Life
There are somethings which you cannot just explain in words, just like there are somethings that money cant buy. Beer is one of them, except that money can buy it. A lot of it. But I know, a Jack Torrance, who would “give his god-damned soul for a glass of beer”(see – The Shining). Jack Nicholson can really play an alcohol impoverished soul exceptionally well.
I quote Wikipedia – “Beer is the world’s oldest and most widely consumed alcoholic beverage and the third most popular drink overall after Water and Tea.” Water and Tea !! Are they even supposed to be drinks ?Yea, Water qualifies, only if it is mixed with some scotch ! eh… and Tea ? Its a Chinaman’s beer ! Ha… and I’m not being racist here.
Some of humanity’s earliest known writings refer to the production and distribution of beer: The code of Hammurabi included laws regulating beer and beer parlours, and The Hymn of Ninkasi, a prayer to the Mesopotamian goddess of beer, served as both a prayer and a method to remember the recipe for beer. And look at the irony, most parts of these areas are now inhabited by people for whom alcohol consumption is forbidden.
Beer has become a concrete part of popular culture, just like everything that Apple sells. The combination of Beer and Pizza is inseparable and there wouldn’t have been Pub Crawling and bar Billiards, if it weren’t for beer.
So, I am not gonna tell you more about history of beer. No one cares. And How it is brewed. No one gives a monkey;s arse. All I am gonna write about is, the world’s most popular beers. The one’s you dream about and wouldn’t mind stabbing someone for a pint.

  1. Corona - You remember, Dom telling Brian, in The Fast and The Furious – “you can have any brew you want… as long as its a Corona.” All Corona Beers is brewed and bottled in one of 7 Modelo Breweries in Mexico. Its the top selling imported beer in US. Within Mexico, corona served with lime is not uncommon, but is mandatory. It’s by far one of the most popular beers around the world. Even the Japanese understand it !
  2. Heineken – The world’s third largest brewer and perhaps the most popular dutch thing in the world after Van Gogh, Van Nistelrooy and Armand Van Hallen. Other popular dutch beers include Amstel and Grolsch.
  3. Guinness – You have to give credit to the beer for it contributes a substantial amount to the Irish GDP. The creamy top, burnt flavour and the thick, heavy color is characteristic of this dry stout. Its not for everyone that’s for sure. It is perhaps the only beer where the bubbles sink downwards. Drunk are they !
  4. Stella Artois – This belgian beer is rightly called “Reassuringly Expensive” owing to the higher duty in UK for high-alcohol beverages. It has been voted the best beer in terms of quality, time and again.
  5. Hoegaarden – Talking of Belgian beers, how can we forget about the Hoegaarden style of beers. The Belgian style wheat beers are pale in color and brewed using unmalted wheat, malted barley and are spiced with coriander and orange peel. It has a typical fruity smell and taste which you should get used to.
  6. Becks – One of the best German beers quality wise. It was the first to introduce green bottles. Marketing claims that it follows the original German Beer Purity Law of 1516. It has a twin sister called the St. Pauli Girl which is only exported and not consumed in Germany. Its the number one German export beer in terms of volume.
  7. Kingfisher – Ahh..! Thats the kind of noise you make after downing one on a hot Indian afternoon. That’s right, the world’s most popular Indian beer. It rose to acclaim in the 1990′s when it one several awards at the Stockholm Beer Festival and World Beer Championship. I have got friends who would pay a fortune to get a sip of Kingfisher outside India. What can I say – It’s Better Than Sex.
  8. Foster’s – Its Aussie to the core. Its absolutely true – You won’t find a humble Australian in the world and the Foster’s brand follows this philosophy. Not much great by brew but its popularity is largely due to its marketing. They call it the “Amber Nectar” and “Australian for Beer”. Most popular in UK, Canada, Greece and France. My verdict – Its crap ma-ee-t !

  9. Weihenstephaner Hefeweissbier - This one’s right out the lists. Not available in India at all I guess. Nobody could have pronounced the name. But I heard its one of the best German beers around. Lovers say it has a faint hint of banana, phenols and biscuits.

  10. Budweiser – I saved the best for the last. ‘Budweiser’ name is owned by three companies. First is the Budweiser beer we all drink i.e. the ‘American Beer’ but I think there is no such thing in the world as American beer. Second is the original Bohemian brewery of Budweiser Budvar in Czech Republic. It sells the Budweiser Budvar brand in EU and Czechvar in US. Nevertheless, it has a slightly sweet taste and is indeed ‘Lite’, another category invented by the Americans.

There are some of the other beers that deserve a worthy mention. Foremost among them is Carlsberg. You can hang me for not listing it as one of the world’s most popular beers. Cobra, Milwaukee Light, Tiger, Asahi and Haywards 5000 are some of the other I wanted to mention. But for now, here are some pictures you might enjoy. Cheers !!

PS – All the pictures used are property of their respective owners. I own nothing. And if you plan to sue me, please think twice, for the sake of beer.


Vegie Pradesh December 15, 2009

Posted by maximusrakontur in Non Veg, Vegetarianism.
6 comments
Ladies and Gentleman, welcome aboard. If you wanna know why this weird starting. Keep guessing. Your guesses might be right.
Last couple of months have been very taxing. The closing time at college. Of course, its the final year at college. Thats primarily the reason why it has been taxing.
I had a weird dream during this time. Weird enough to knock me off from sleep, and get up sweating. Apparently, I was sitting pretty on my dining table and eating my dead pet. This was as scary a dream I have ever had. I don’t really remember what occurred to me but since then I have quit eating non vegetarian food. For the record, I was always a vegetarian. It was only when I stepped into college I started eating non veg food. As I always do before starting something interesting, I researched over the internet, the benefits of being a Vegetarian. God ! what will I do without the internet. That;s why I made a donation to the Wikipedia. I think its more than just a website. Its a lifeline.
For people who don’t have the slightest idea about Vegetarianism ( I know there are many of my friends.), to quote from Wikipedia – “Vegetarianism is the practice of following a diet based on plant-based foods including fruits, vegetables, cereal grains, nuts, and seeds, with or without dairy products and eggs. A vegetarian does not eat meat, game, poultry, fish, crustacea, shellfish, or products of animal slaughter such as animal-derived gelatin and rennet.”
Again it says, Vegetarianism maybe adopted for ethical, health, environmental, religious, political, cultural, economic or other reasons. My reasons can be both health and ethical. And also if you insist, Economical as well. Well, what can I say, I am unemployable ( there will be a post regarding it pretty soon, Im sure ).Well, they say there are different versions of vegetarianism, which include/exclude dairy products, eggs, game and stuff. But for now, I have quit non-veg food including eggs. Well for special occasions such as eating french food at a beach in Pondicherry or Goa, I will decide then and there. My only concrete reason to stick to vegies is the health, nothing else. Of course I have been reading, Vegetarian this and Vegetarian that, but the bottom line remains simple. Avoid everything else.
Why do people convert to Non-vegetarians ? This is one question I would love to investigate with my friends who are studying psychology. I think there’s no reason for us to fall on a culpable diet if we can live on vegies. To say its more nutritious is utter rubbish. Research shows a fully vegetarian diet can be as nutritious as one having meat and stuff. I have a feeling, people who are Non-vegetarian are emotionally fickle. I dont know, but I have this feeling. So any psychologists in the house, please take a note and correct me if I am wrong. I am not here to simply take a stand and say of course being a vegetarian is better. I will simply state facts.
This is straight out of www.goveg.com — Why you should consider a vegetarian diet ?
1. Cruelty to Animals.
2. Your health
3. The Environment
4. World Hunger.
These are not the only reasons why you should convert to a vegetarian, you can always add ” A bad Dream” in them. For me it was easy. I couldn’t touch the chicken after I saw myself eating my dog. Second thing is your health. To put it in very simple words, Plant proteins are pretty simple to break down in the human body than the very complex Animal proteins. Thus making it tedious for the body to digest food. Moreover, meats carry the toxins of the animal as well, so your body has to work twice as hard to detoxify itself. That;s why your farts are too smelly when you’ve had chicken/meat the night before. And of course, vegetarians would have a better Immune system than people having a meaty diet. Going vegetarian carries with itself a reduced risk of Cancer and Heart Diseases. (according to different studies). The most important of all, these ailments along with high cholesterol, obesity and diabetes can cause Erectile Dysfunction. Now, you wont risk that at any cost ! I know that. I can go on and on about this. So to read more about health benefits, help yourself to www.goveg.com
One of the most common reasons for people to stay vegetarian is their religion. vegetarianism is favored in almost every religion of the world which includes – Hinduism, Jainism, Buddhism, Sikhism, Judaism and Rastafari. Simpky enough, eating meat does not comes natural to us humans. Come on, we do not have large enough Canines to tear meat. Nor do we have the physical attributes. Not to mention the several ailments you get from an infected animal/bird. Do you salivate when you see a dead bird on the road ? Do you feel tempted when you see a dead carcass ? The answers are most obvious.
To give you a reality check, what turning a vegetarian would mean, these are some of the important changes that I have listed -
1. No more Shawarmas at Al Bake, NFC.
2. No Butter Chicken ofcourse,
3. No Kebabs.
4. No K F C =(
5. Only veg momos
6. No stingy faces at a 100% shuddh vaishno dhaba
7. No fish at Amritsar

I hope these dont deter your decision, if by now you have taken one, hey definitely do not change mine. So, it wasnt PETA or anything else that convinced me.
And like almost every other thing, we have glamourised vegetarianism as well. There are lots of celebrities, devoting their ‘precious’ time towards propagating this thing. Avril Lavigne, Mr Bachchan, Dr APJ Abdul Kalam, Carrie Underwood, Christian bale, The Great Khali, Eddie Veder, Kal Penn, Jim Carrey, Brad Pitt, Brooke Shields, Leona Lewis, Anoushka Shankar – They all are Vegetarians.
There are a lot of people in this world who believe in remaining vegetarians. The Vegetarian Society was created in 1807 to promote the abstinence from flesh eating.
This is just my story, how I became a Vegetarian. I, in no means, am suggesting to follow my footsteps. Its for you to make this right decision. :P .
Now, if you were thinking what is this all gotta do with the title – Vegie Pradesh ? I was thinking of asking for a separate state for vegetarians as they face trouble while sharing places with all kinds of non-vegetarians. Our rights should be protected as well, and its our right to ensure ourselves the basic necessities. Fortunately, Vegetarians and Non-vegetarians can live together amicably, without killing each other.
NEXT UP – NO SMOKING LAND

God is a Cricketer November 15, 2009

Posted by maximusrakontur in Uncategorized.
1 comment so far
Its a lazy sunday afternoon and Im wrtiting this thing in a tiny little corner of a cyber cafe
(no points for guessing why) tucked in a tiny little corner of my ever shrinking city. Does laziness makes you cynical ? I think so. Right from the morning, be it news channels or the newspapers, there’s just one thing everyone’s mind. Sachin Tendulkar. Everyone wants to get a piece of him as he successfully completes 20 years in competitive, top-flight cricket. He’s not just there, but there in style. Still the main stay of Indian Cricket, the guy is adored and admired alike by the cricketing world. Being an avid cricket lover, this post is dedicated to Sachin.
Ever since I started following cricket, i.e. around 1993 or something, I remember Sachin and Azharuddin being my favourite players. My love for cricket grew with the nation’s passion as India hosted the 1996 Cricket World Cup. I think it was during that time, as Javed Miandad retired, the world believed that Sachin was to become the greatest batsman of all time. In no means I want to compare Miandad to Sachin. He’s nowhere near. I think it was from then till very recently, Sachin has been undoubtedly the best batsman in the world. That’s more than 70% of his career. And all this time he has been this Public Property for the idol worshiping people of India. You have to admit the strength in the guy’s shoulders, for he carried the burden of expectations of a billion people everytime he goes out to bat. Even Atlas would be scared of
that. I dont know if its exactly a burden for Sachin, or is it the motivation which has got him going for such a long time. Sachin performed exceptionally well in the home World Cup and stamped his class on the game. His popularity grew from here and also the acceptance of the fact that he is the best. It was during this time that Sir Donald Bradman, the then all time best, ‘took note’ of the striking similarities in Sachin’s and his style of play.

Sachin justified his rise to divinity by playing some out-of-the-world innings meanwhile. His Desert Storm innings in 1998, which came on the eve of his 25th birthday are probably the best innings in the world, where he took India to the title single handedly. The best moment of the innings, for me, was the straight six over Michael Kasprowicz’s head. I still have the memory of that shot, coz I had never seen anything more majestic than that. Maybe the Himalayas. The innings at Chennai in the test match against Pakistan in 1999 is still the talisman of the man’s grit and commitment. His 98 which came against Pakistan in the 2003 world cup is also one of his best as he demolished a formidable Pakistani bowling attack consisting Wasim Akram, Waqar Younis, Shoaib Akhtar and Saqlain Mushtaq. His 241 at the Sydney Cricket Ground were maybe the most disciplined innings that the world has witnessed ( maybe next to Gundappa Vishwanath’s 97 at Chennai ), where he refused to play on the off side. I have to admit, Sachin was never my favourite cricketer, until recently. He scored 175 breathtaking runs against Australia in a no-hope match as per Indian cricketing knowledge and intuition and almost won the match. I am sorry Anil Kumble, but I dont think there was anyone in the field who refused to admit the quantum of greatness in that innings. I think even the young Australian cricketers were awestruck by the man.
The greatest evidence of his achievements has been the adulation he receives from his fellow cricketers on and off the field. Shane Warne has never shied away from accepting the fact, Sachin’s batting gives him nightmares and is the best batsman he has ever bowled to. Brian Lara, his fiercest competitor in the race to be the greatest batsman, is all praise for him. Greats like Sunil Gavaskar, Geoffry Boycott, Sir Garfield Sobers –
nobody denies the man his empire. But what is it in him, that belittles the achievements of other contemporaries ? The man’s character is impeccable. 20 years of being the epitome of sportsmanship. Barring a few incidents,(when McGrath tried to teach Sachin how to play over third man, the ball tampering charges against him in South Africa, the run out against Pakistan when he had to come out on field to appeal to the enraged crowd) his has been a boring career, if you compare it with the likes of Harbhajan Singh, S. Sreesanth or Saurav Ganguly. It is this school-boyish discipline and respect for the game and his opponents despite of the knowledge that he’s the greatest of them all, is the reason why the world loves him. Sachin teaches us to be grounded even in the times of success and ofcourse in failure. His humbleness is a lesson for all.
One of his very few failures would be the captancy debacle. Sachin could not justify his status as the best batsman with the pressure of being the Captain of the Indian cricket team. But it would be wrong to say that he bogged down by the pressure. Pressure is not difficult for him and we all know that. I think he wanted the same level of commitment as his from other players. But there can not be another Sachin in the world leave aside 10, which Sachin wanted.

Sachin is a text book for how a man should lead his life. Justifying his status as a child prodigy and going on to conquer not just every record that exists but also the heart of every cricket lover. His commitment for the team and his patriotism can never be questioned whether he puts a tricolor on his helmet or not. His being a marathi and representing India is the very evidence of the national integration. May be Raj Thackerey can take a lesson or two from Sachin.
I think the world should stand up and recognise his achievments at par with maybe Roger Federer, Michael Schumacher or Michael Jordan. Even though their sports are more popular than cricket it can not undermine the measure of his achievments.

Sachin is one of the reasons why I can proudly call myself an Indian.

Shattered Plans. September 13, 2009

Posted by maximusrakontur in Dave Matthews Band, Pakistan, Pissed.
add a comment
As I write this post I am unpacking my bags and retracting the plans I had made for the next 2 weeks. I am also look for politically correct words by which I can manage not to upset others and express my disgust which is very obvious and righteous.
Last time I wrote I was fretting about the Visa, so the update on that is I got the Visa eventually only to cancel the visit at the last moment. I think I do not need to state how I feel (and its better I dont). The whole string of events seems farcical to say the least. For those of you who can not imagine the scale of disappointment for me, in short the cancellation means – No great kebabs, No authentic eid celebrations, No karahi chicken, No Peeru Cafe, No Sozo World, No Shah Jamal, No Chaman Ice Cream and much more. In short, the only loser here in this case was me.
Okay, I wont express much grief and make it yetanother cynical post.
The emotion has been so overpowering that I have nothing to write actually. This infact has been one of the many problems I have been facing recently. An emotional jolt and life comes to a stand still just like the Delhi Airport on a foggy winter day. I think I need to work on this ASAP.
Now, that I am free till 21st, I will have to figure out how should I kill time. I plan to see all the movies in my desktop again, wait, but first I have to get it repaired !. And I hope to write after that as every post here has been inspired and written I have seen a great movie. I hope to sleep for 12 hours a day. I really wanna have a Pedicure. Yes Pedicure. Nothing wrong with a Pedicure. OMG, yes its a Pedicure. I think I have gone into a WTF mode and it might last for days before I get something interesting to fiddle with. Lets see what I;ve got here. Dad’s birthday. My birthday ( I forgot it for a while ). Mom and Dad’s silver jubilee. Mom’s birthday. And I was about to miss all this if I had gone across the border.
I could feel a certain energy stopping me from doing so. All the delay in the Visa, the rains which brought the city to a halt, then my own confusion, the denial from Lahore and then my desperation to go there which was not uncharacteristic but somewhat strange. I think or rather hope I could certainly say it happened for the best. Anyways, I really hope I can make it in November which seems rather distant now.
For now, I have Dave Matthews Band with me to face this ordeal of break from college.
See you later.
Alhamdulilah
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.